quinta-feira, 15 de setembro de 2011

Saying what's not supposed to be said.

At late hours of night, when everybody rest in their nests, is when i sit at the window watching the horizon, without seeing it in reality. The perfect words never cross my mind because they're trapped inside my heart. Left without name or definition ... The emotions are all that i feel and know.
Confusion, brain storm, unrealistic images in sudden and fast flashes... running in my veins, mixed with blood to the arteries. I feel them close... depriving the body of my strength... the same i need to survive another night of insomnia. Maybe a defense mechanism? I don't know. I only know that inside me, i create a picture that i am not able to paint ... I don't have the skills, the techniques, precision and accuracy of each detail of the image. I see it but it's not as if i actually see it. All i can draw is a large and abstract framework of complex meaning.
Then grows in me, the frustration of wanting to scream and miss the voice, wanting to say and not knowing what. Hence this window, only the night seems to understand what is stuck and don't come out, because it became more cold and dark ... just like me.
I'm afraid. Of never being able to say what i have to say. In concrete words, audible and palpable, that match what i really feel. I'm not looking for anything else but some understanding... but all that remains now, is something that i'm not .. until the mask finally falls.

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